Really, it was just before noon a couple days ago I got a call to visit Sanur Beach together with my old friend from high school and her family. I said yes, and she picked me up about 09.15 a.m. We travelled from Gianyar through Sukawati to reach Eastern Denpasar before Sanur.
The traffic was crowded as how it used to be. It took more than a hour to reach Sanur by 10.20. I must let her down since I denied to join on swimming together – well, I am never been a good swimmer since the whole moment I can remember.
I thought the beach wasn’t so crowded, but the parking lot nearly full. The parking man charge us IDR 5.000,- for single car. And the a couple rest place with a huge umbrella cost IDR 20.000,-. Well, tourism sure an expensive thing even for locals – like us.
They was seem enjoying the calm water of Sanur beach just under the tropical sunshine. Lot of families seems enjoying the beach just before the noon, with canoes for children – there was a lot of fun in a beach with small waves.
Watching from distance, my friend looked like enjoying herself swimming on the shallow waters. And for me, in a moment, I could find a huge question mark hanging above my head. “How could I be dragged here?”
But since she is my nemesis, I thought I have no right questioning for anything further more. Beside, I just love being sitting around the beach since I was kid, so I felt I would let myself enjoying the beach in my way.
Stared both of my palm, and my mind whispered softly. I has been more than a couple months I’ve let go the ring which used be there. Past has already left far behind, but I don’t know, maybe the essential feeling weren’t vanished at all, but merely sealed within – somewhere deep within me, in the place even my consciousness can’t tell it.
People said that sea can sweep away all our heart’s burdens. But seeing sea, wasn’t make me feel any lighter. No, nothing wrong with the sea nor with the beach. It was and it is me which already been so corrupted inside, it is me that so full of myself which turn tears into invisible winds flew low above the sea and never reach any shore. But, it was me who chose the path of darkness, it was me who chose to walk without a single light.
Yes, I am full of myself, and this path is the very nature of my own act. Just like watching the beach with everything on it.